I’ll Marry You in My Second Life
By: Diane-Lyn Pagtalunan
During our last days together, I regret the fact that I seldom kissed her. Most of the time, I focused my attention on my band, and I rarely speak to her. Dawn had been my girlfriend for four years. I’ve known her for so long because we started as “barkadas”. Back then, when we were in High School, I know this girl had sincerely loved me. And even in our last days together, I know she still had reminiscing our courtship moments, Dawn loved hearing me sing for her. She had always loved my voice. I remember, I used to dedicate songs for her. One time, we were lying on a blanket in the grass, staring underneath the stars when I started to serenade her. Somehow, I know God had blessed me with the gift of Music. And as I sang to her, Dawn is the one that God had made for me.
But sadly, that was the first and the last song I had made for her. Though she often gives me a hint that she wanted me to make a song for her again, I often refused. I was just too busy for that. Honestly, I know that as time passed by, my love for her grew colder. It’s not that I’m not in love with her any longer. It’s just that, because I know that’s she completely in love with me, being sweet and romantic is not an important thing anymore. I know its not good. I was unfair to her. Grossly unfair. She became the last of my priorities. And the worst thing here is, I had deprived her of the very one thing I knew that she, even without telling me, had deeply wanted from me… my time.
Dawn, as loving as she had always been, remained unchanged. She still had given her love to me, wholeheartedly. Though my coldness is too much to bear for her, she remained loyal, and never ceased to build her dreams with me, though even for once.
I know, I had never included her in mine. For the world, I may be a selfish bastard, but for her, I am not. She had devoted her life loving me and what the most amazing truth is that her love sparkles the most during the times when loving me seems extremely hard… my band succeeded after almost three years of struggle. We had a lot of show and gigs around the local bars and clubs. A recording company even offered us a deal, yet realizing that we are still in school, we rejected it. As of that moment, we never considered going full-time in music yet. I had to balance my dreams and studies. It had been a very intricate task for me, yet, my only consolation is that my dreams are right within my grasps, and graduation is just months away. The thrill of living in the world free from the walls of the university is too much exciting to bear. The fame, freedom, and success as I’ve felt it, is not too far from me now. But, as I rejoiced with these few momentous thoughts of my dreams, I had completely ignored Dawn, the girl that had shared her dreams with me, and hopingly thought, somehow, she was included in mine…
Graduation came and my band and I decided to go full-time in music. We concentrated in developing our own sound and style, thus, we became so busy that my world revolved around my work. On the other hand, Dawn’s mother died. She became so alone that she wanted me to be with her. She had no one else aside from her father who had buried himself to his work to escape the pain and melancholy. She had begged me to be with her yet; I was too busy in my work so I had to choose. And guess what, I have made the biggest mistake in my entire life… I left Dawn when she needed me the most, and pursue my ambition.
I asked our common friends about her as my band and I went on tours for months. I asked them what happened to her and what she’s been doing lately. Though they’re a little angry with me, they managed to update me with the facts about he. I felt so lucky, because they told, Rich had never left her. He’s always there comforting her and somehow, helping her to cope up. Rich is my best friend. We had been best friends since we were in grade 2. We have a lot of differences when it comes to hobbies and personality. I like rock; he likes mellow and soul. He likes Math; my passion is in Arts. Rich is a classy, down-to-earth guy; I’m a punk. Though we’re in the opposite sides of the table, our differences, somehow doesn’t hinder us from being so close. He knows me as if I’m his real brother, and so was I knowing that Rich had been there for Dawn gave me extreme ease in my heart. I know she is in good hands.
I was on the verge between Guilt ad Pride. I don’t want to give up my dreams and ambitions. On the other side, I felt guilty over what happened. She, of all people, doesn’t deserve this. I want to end her suffering by going back in her arms, but that only created confusion on my part. Am I just feeling pity over her, or am I still in love with her? I had no idea what to do. I was so confused, that I was faced with the decision that I think would be the safest as of the moment… to leave Dawn in Rich’s caring hands.
Months passed and I finally made up my mind about my relationship with Dawn. I realized that I’m still incredibly in love with her. I decided that I would get back to her after another year so that, as of the moment, I would not lose my momentum in my career. I can say, in this case, I did what is fair for the both of us.
I tried to maintain in contact with Rich regularly. But our manager took us in a tour outside the country that I lost contact with him completely. When I tried to reach for the two of them again, our friends told me that both of them transferred to a different residence already. This somehow bothered me, but the success of the trip made me forget all of these thoughts. After another six months, I finally decided to go back home and clean the mess that I left. In this way, I could start a new life again with the girl that I’m sure, destined by God for me to love, all the days of my life. I found Rich in the place where I’m sure I could see him the most, his dad’s office. When I saw him, I felt that my sight had made him tremble and uneasy, rather than warm and welcoming. But the excitement of seeing Dawn is too contagious that it made me forget this thought. Rich gave me Dawn’s new address. I asked him to come with me so that both of us could surprise Dawn, but he refused. After a few minutes, I finally convinced him. I showed him the ring, which I bought from Paris for Dawn. I told him that this is not yet an engagement ring, but that would come soon, anyway. Rich had been awkwardly silent, but still, he still managed to take me to Dawn, though I had this funny feeling that he doesn’t really want to.
We stopped in a very conservative community. As I excitingly knocked the door of the house, a girl in her teenage years had opened it. I greeted her, and asked for Dawn. The girl seemed surprise when she saw me, but when her eyes fell on Rich, her expression rather comfortable. The girl let us in, and when I entered, I suddenly remembered that I left the ring in the car so I decided to get it. As I returned back to the house, and excitingly opened the door, the sight that surprised me almost made me lost my balance completely. I saw Dawn… pregnant.
I felt in that moment, that at any instant, I might faint. Rich and Dawn told me everything that happened between them while I was away. Dawn had become so close to Rich that she fell in love with him. Rich, on the other hand, had been secretly in love with Dawn all these years. But he decided to keep it and gave up his own happiness since I was his best friend. When he told everything to Dawn, he’s sure that she’s still in love with me that he never expecting anything. Dawn, slowly as time passes by, realizing that he is really deserving to be loved, had eventually fell in love with him.
I knew that in that moment, I completely lost my composure. I was sobbing hard, yet there are no words that are coming out of my mouth. I want scream, but manage not to, realizing the need to control myself somehow. I felt the world had close right in front of my face. I’m blaming myself for everything. I had chosen my dreams over her, and I was too crazy to think that I can still have her after all the things that I did. I realized that I have no choice but to let her go. Her heart now belongs to someone else. And truly, she deserves to be happy…
They told me that they’re going to be married the following day. It will be a church wedding, and they wanted me to come. I decided to attend though it’s going to be painful in my part. I realize, I’ll just make good use of this day so that I could bid them goodbye for good.
Tears were streaming down in my cheeks as we watched Dawn march down the aisle. Happiness was apparent in her face as she reached for Rich hand in front of the altar. It was an incredibly scenario for everyone in the church, when someone from the back had screamed. Three consecutive gunshots echoed inside the church. A woman with a gun had fired the shot and aimed for the bride. She is Selene, Rich’s ex-girlfriend. They had been going out for almost three years, but truly, Rich had never loved her. He was just forced to be with her because their parents had been business partners for quite a long time. It was too late when the cop grabbed the gun from her hands; she already fired her last shot for Dawn but unfortunately, it went straight in my chest…
I fell in the floor. Dawn reached for me and held my hand. She was crying… She was screaming for an ambulance. The pain is building me already. I felt, I’m slowly losing my consciousness. I told Dawn, as I lay I her my arms, that I had always loved her… she was touching my face and the look in her eyes that everything about her had already changed. She is now happy with Rich and nothing could change the fact. I held her for the last time, because I knew, that it would be last time I’ll ever hold those very soft hands that used to be mine…
The ambulance arrived. The people were already calm, and a few more policemen had arrived. Though I feel that I lost so much blood, I don’t want the paramedics to take me away from her loving arms. I want to freeze the moment, but I’m slowly losing my sight. The last thing that I remember in that moment was her soft passionate kiss in my lips and her sweet whisper in my ear… “I’ll always love you, farewell…”
That was the last time that I ever saw her. Even Rich; I never saw him again. I realized, after sharing this story, I missed them so much. Five years had already passed, and though I’m still single, I can truly say, that somehow, I’m happy with my life. Honestly, I know, my heart still belongs to Dawn. But time made me realize that, “not all people who loves someone need to be in a relationship…” And this time, I don’t know until when, but I think, I’ll choose to love her in silence.
~~I read this article just last week, it was written by Ms. Diane-Lyn R. Pagtalunan, a PUP student and a writer of their campus paper. Actually, I really don’t know her personally but her stories real inspired me and I want to share with you. I’ve got their newspaper through my sister, I don’t know where she gets it but it’s a good thing that she had the chance to get one. Reading stories like this opens my eye to the reality… that love is all around us… it won’t stop until it finds us…. I hope you’ll also like her story…. ~~
By: Diane-Lyn Pagtalunan
During our last days together, I regret the fact that I seldom kissed her. Most of the time, I focused my attention on my band, and I rarely speak to her. Dawn had been my girlfriend for four years. I’ve known her for so long because we started as “barkadas”. Back then, when we were in High School, I know this girl had sincerely loved me. And even in our last days together, I know she still had reminiscing our courtship moments, Dawn loved hearing me sing for her. She had always loved my voice. I remember, I used to dedicate songs for her. One time, we were lying on a blanket in the grass, staring underneath the stars when I started to serenade her. Somehow, I know God had blessed me with the gift of Music. And as I sang to her, Dawn is the one that God had made for me.
But sadly, that was the first and the last song I had made for her. Though she often gives me a hint that she wanted me to make a song for her again, I often refused. I was just too busy for that. Honestly, I know that as time passed by, my love for her grew colder. It’s not that I’m not in love with her any longer. It’s just that, because I know that’s she completely in love with me, being sweet and romantic is not an important thing anymore. I know its not good. I was unfair to her. Grossly unfair. She became the last of my priorities. And the worst thing here is, I had deprived her of the very one thing I knew that she, even without telling me, had deeply wanted from me… my time.
Dawn, as loving as she had always been, remained unchanged. She still had given her love to me, wholeheartedly. Though my coldness is too much to bear for her, she remained loyal, and never ceased to build her dreams with me, though even for once.
I know, I had never included her in mine. For the world, I may be a selfish bastard, but for her, I am not. She had devoted her life loving me and what the most amazing truth is that her love sparkles the most during the times when loving me seems extremely hard… my band succeeded after almost three years of struggle. We had a lot of show and gigs around the local bars and clubs. A recording company even offered us a deal, yet realizing that we are still in school, we rejected it. As of that moment, we never considered going full-time in music yet. I had to balance my dreams and studies. It had been a very intricate task for me, yet, my only consolation is that my dreams are right within my grasps, and graduation is just months away. The thrill of living in the world free from the walls of the university is too much exciting to bear. The fame, freedom, and success as I’ve felt it, is not too far from me now. But, as I rejoiced with these few momentous thoughts of my dreams, I had completely ignored Dawn, the girl that had shared her dreams with me, and hopingly thought, somehow, she was included in mine…
Graduation came and my band and I decided to go full-time in music. We concentrated in developing our own sound and style, thus, we became so busy that my world revolved around my work. On the other hand, Dawn’s mother died. She became so alone that she wanted me to be with her. She had no one else aside from her father who had buried himself to his work to escape the pain and melancholy. She had begged me to be with her yet; I was too busy in my work so I had to choose. And guess what, I have made the biggest mistake in my entire life… I left Dawn when she needed me the most, and pursue my ambition.
I asked our common friends about her as my band and I went on tours for months. I asked them what happened to her and what she’s been doing lately. Though they’re a little angry with me, they managed to update me with the facts about he. I felt so lucky, because they told, Rich had never left her. He’s always there comforting her and somehow, helping her to cope up. Rich is my best friend. We had been best friends since we were in grade 2. We have a lot of differences when it comes to hobbies and personality. I like rock; he likes mellow and soul. He likes Math; my passion is in Arts. Rich is a classy, down-to-earth guy; I’m a punk. Though we’re in the opposite sides of the table, our differences, somehow doesn’t hinder us from being so close. He knows me as if I’m his real brother, and so was I knowing that Rich had been there for Dawn gave me extreme ease in my heart. I know she is in good hands.
I was on the verge between Guilt ad Pride. I don’t want to give up my dreams and ambitions. On the other side, I felt guilty over what happened. She, of all people, doesn’t deserve this. I want to end her suffering by going back in her arms, but that only created confusion on my part. Am I just feeling pity over her, or am I still in love with her? I had no idea what to do. I was so confused, that I was faced with the decision that I think would be the safest as of the moment… to leave Dawn in Rich’s caring hands.
Months passed and I finally made up my mind about my relationship with Dawn. I realized that I’m still incredibly in love with her. I decided that I would get back to her after another year so that, as of the moment, I would not lose my momentum in my career. I can say, in this case, I did what is fair for the both of us.
I tried to maintain in contact with Rich regularly. But our manager took us in a tour outside the country that I lost contact with him completely. When I tried to reach for the two of them again, our friends told me that both of them transferred to a different residence already. This somehow bothered me, but the success of the trip made me forget all of these thoughts. After another six months, I finally decided to go back home and clean the mess that I left. In this way, I could start a new life again with the girl that I’m sure, destined by God for me to love, all the days of my life. I found Rich in the place where I’m sure I could see him the most, his dad’s office. When I saw him, I felt that my sight had made him tremble and uneasy, rather than warm and welcoming. But the excitement of seeing Dawn is too contagious that it made me forget this thought. Rich gave me Dawn’s new address. I asked him to come with me so that both of us could surprise Dawn, but he refused. After a few minutes, I finally convinced him. I showed him the ring, which I bought from Paris for Dawn. I told him that this is not yet an engagement ring, but that would come soon, anyway. Rich had been awkwardly silent, but still, he still managed to take me to Dawn, though I had this funny feeling that he doesn’t really want to.
We stopped in a very conservative community. As I excitingly knocked the door of the house, a girl in her teenage years had opened it. I greeted her, and asked for Dawn. The girl seemed surprise when she saw me, but when her eyes fell on Rich, her expression rather comfortable. The girl let us in, and when I entered, I suddenly remembered that I left the ring in the car so I decided to get it. As I returned back to the house, and excitingly opened the door, the sight that surprised me almost made me lost my balance completely. I saw Dawn… pregnant.
I felt in that moment, that at any instant, I might faint. Rich and Dawn told me everything that happened between them while I was away. Dawn had become so close to Rich that she fell in love with him. Rich, on the other hand, had been secretly in love with Dawn all these years. But he decided to keep it and gave up his own happiness since I was his best friend. When he told everything to Dawn, he’s sure that she’s still in love with me that he never expecting anything. Dawn, slowly as time passes by, realizing that he is really deserving to be loved, had eventually fell in love with him.
I knew that in that moment, I completely lost my composure. I was sobbing hard, yet there are no words that are coming out of my mouth. I want scream, but manage not to, realizing the need to control myself somehow. I felt the world had close right in front of my face. I’m blaming myself for everything. I had chosen my dreams over her, and I was too crazy to think that I can still have her after all the things that I did. I realized that I have no choice but to let her go. Her heart now belongs to someone else. And truly, she deserves to be happy…
They told me that they’re going to be married the following day. It will be a church wedding, and they wanted me to come. I decided to attend though it’s going to be painful in my part. I realize, I’ll just make good use of this day so that I could bid them goodbye for good.
Tears were streaming down in my cheeks as we watched Dawn march down the aisle. Happiness was apparent in her face as she reached for Rich hand in front of the altar. It was an incredibly scenario for everyone in the church, when someone from the back had screamed. Three consecutive gunshots echoed inside the church. A woman with a gun had fired the shot and aimed for the bride. She is Selene, Rich’s ex-girlfriend. They had been going out for almost three years, but truly, Rich had never loved her. He was just forced to be with her because their parents had been business partners for quite a long time. It was too late when the cop grabbed the gun from her hands; she already fired her last shot for Dawn but unfortunately, it went straight in my chest…
I fell in the floor. Dawn reached for me and held my hand. She was crying… She was screaming for an ambulance. The pain is building me already. I felt, I’m slowly losing my consciousness. I told Dawn, as I lay I her my arms, that I had always loved her… she was touching my face and the look in her eyes that everything about her had already changed. She is now happy with Rich and nothing could change the fact. I held her for the last time, because I knew, that it would be last time I’ll ever hold those very soft hands that used to be mine…
The ambulance arrived. The people were already calm, and a few more policemen had arrived. Though I feel that I lost so much blood, I don’t want the paramedics to take me away from her loving arms. I want to freeze the moment, but I’m slowly losing my sight. The last thing that I remember in that moment was her soft passionate kiss in my lips and her sweet whisper in my ear… “I’ll always love you, farewell…”
That was the last time that I ever saw her. Even Rich; I never saw him again. I realized, after sharing this story, I missed them so much. Five years had already passed, and though I’m still single, I can truly say, that somehow, I’m happy with my life. Honestly, I know, my heart still belongs to Dawn. But time made me realize that, “not all people who loves someone need to be in a relationship…” And this time, I don’t know until when, but I think, I’ll choose to love her in silence.
~~I read this article just last week, it was written by Ms. Diane-Lyn R. Pagtalunan, a PUP student and a writer of their campus paper. Actually, I really don’t know her personally but her stories real inspired me and I want to share with you. I’ve got their newspaper through my sister, I don’t know where she gets it but it’s a good thing that she had the chance to get one. Reading stories like this opens my eye to the reality… that love is all around us… it won’t stop until it finds us…. I hope you’ll also like her story…. ~~
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